The Night Before Whatsit
Douglas Wilson: So here is some festive doggerel I wrote some time ago, and which I periodically post at appropriate times of the year. Have a merry Christmas.
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land,
We still mark the birth of the One who is banned
From public discussion or public display.
“Get rid of the Christ child–but still keep the day!”
So public school children must practice with stealth
Those carols which threaten our strange commonwealth,
And now and again someone’e runaway creche
Will abruptly appear in some government place,
Right out in the open where children can view
This threat to the folks at the ACLU.
So drink to the health of our once happy nation,
And deck all the halls with strange litigation.
Then eat all you want to, drink rum by the quart
But don’t say that name, or you’ll wind up in court.
Pretend that this holiday just always was.
Don’t ask whence it came like a smart child does.
Just talk about Rudolph or Santa’s small elves,
Or sing little ditties of days bunched in twelves.
Now this is all right because (please get this straight)
There’s no separation of North Pole and state.
So sing all you want of this sort of stuff
In the public arena, folks can’t get enough.
If you do sing the carols, then please, just be careful.
Look over your shoulder, keep watch and be prayerful.
Edit those carols, avoid our law’s curses,
(You’ll have to leave out quite a few of the verses.)
So you won’t get the secular humanists riled
With songs about sinners and God reconciled.
“Be near me Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay,”
Angers the People for the Humanist Way.
But if you believe the time is now ripe
To stand up for Christmas, don’t sit there and gripe.
The secular Scrooges and Grinches will hear
If you say, “Merry Christmas,” with all the right cheer.
It’s time to be counted for what’s good and right,
To all, Merry Christmas! To all, a good night!
